You're my little dorito
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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