I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
