I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize