as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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