no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
