The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
