no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
