Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
