You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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