I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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