Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just gargled with NyQuil
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
