Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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