dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
