just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
