Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
