I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
