Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
