just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
