Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
