I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
