I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You ruined the universe
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
