We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Quick, to the slutcave!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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