On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
