she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
