The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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