I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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