I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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