Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
