it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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