Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I intend to get homeless drunk
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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