Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
