I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
