I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
