That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
