I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize