I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
