I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
