I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize