Can i not drive my cunt home
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
