I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
