It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
