U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she smelled like a LAN party
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Randomize