im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im holly from the hills drunk
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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