Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
