just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
