what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i out mim tonsoeep
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