He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
