You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
