what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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