return my video game
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
