I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
A+ Viking dick
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize