No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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