Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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