dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
