my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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