I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
No subtext here. People are naked.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
