Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
