I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
