Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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