White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
