so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
