I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
