omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
