All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
