Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
