Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
