she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
