My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
